Overcoming Fear Of Women

>>>COMMENT FROM A READER:
Hi Obi'Wan De'Angelo,
I was one of, I'm guessing, the heaps of other
guys that have trouble with the ladies that are
giant procrastinators.
This was a major problem of mine, I'd think about
what to do and what to say, only to find that I
missed my opportunity in doing so.
Then a few weeks after reading "Double Your
Dating" I thought bugger this what am I scared of
a little girl who is smaller than me not being
interested. What a way to live life. Worried so
much about what somebody else might think or say.
I'm 19 and had never dated, so I set myself a goal
of getting half a dozen dates by the end of the
year. Now this may not seem like a lot, but to me
it seemed almost impossible.
I started by phoning a girl that is in my course
at uni who's number I already had, and I arranged
a study date. When I say 'I' she basically
organized it, I think she was just waiting for me
to show some initiative because she sounded almost
ecstatic that I had phoned'.
And although I didn't jump straight in the deep-
end asking a stranger for her number, that was
only a step away. Now I have so many girls to
choose from it's almost confusing. Though I prefer
being confused than lonely.
So Dave what I'm trying to say is you have
improved my life tenfold. Not only am I having a
great time seeing different girls, I'm also doing
better at my studies because I no longer have in
the back of my mind how pathetic I am. I also have
made more friends through knowing so many more
people. All I needed was that first little step
and it soon snowballed, because as you know pretty
girls know pretty girls, now it's just a matter of
finding one that meets my now prestigious
standards.
Dave IOU my life, thanks.
T.G.
Australia
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Thanks for the great Success Story! Nice!
Ah, the concept that is near and dear to all of
us men who have started on the path to success
with women and dating...
FEAR.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of embarrassment.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of what a woman might do if we start
talking to her.
Fear of what other guys would think if they
knew that we needed help with women.
Fear of what WOMEN would think if they knew
that we needed help with women.
Fear of admitting that we're AFRAID.
...and about 100 others.
But, what exactly IS fear?
And why is it such a problem?
And what can be done to overcome it?
(By the way, as I mentioned at the beginning,
if you want to REALLY get past your internal fears,
then you need to do DEEP work.) I recommend that
you STRONGLY consider the information that I share
HERE as well:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/OnBeingAMan/


Onward...
Well, let's start with what fear is, then we'll
move on to some techniques to get past it.
I once heard a great definition of FEAR:
False Evidence Appearing Real
In other words, the things that you feel fear
about are usually not real. It's usually just
"false evidence".
You also might think back about the last 10
things you felt fear around. Now, ask yourself...
Did any of those things come true?
In most of the cases, you'll find that the fear
did NOT come true.
I heard once that something like 98% of the
things that people fear and worry about never come
true.
I've found this to be true in my own life as
well.
Fear is an emotion, or an emotional state. It's
an amazing and wonderful emotion... because it can
help save your life in certain situations.
A hundred thousand years ago, when we were
running around in the desert, we needed powerful,
motivating emotions like FEAR to save our lives.
When you feel fear (especially if it's a
response to real physical danger) you'll notice
that some AMAZING things happen. Your eyes open up
wider so you can see better, adrenaline pumps into
your body, your heart beats fast to deliver blood
to your muscles, and all kinds of other wondrous
processes are triggered.
The PROBLEM is when we experience fear at times
when there IS NO real physical danger.
We humans are amazing. We can just IMAGINE
things and feel fear in response to the mental
images.
And I'm sure you know exactly what the problem
is with this... it can IMMOBILIZE you at critical
times.
Have you ever seen a woman that you'd like to
meet, but you just couldn't walk over and start
talking to her?
No, it's never happened to me, either.
What was the problem?
Usually, it's fear.
Fear that she'll get upset, or fear that she'll
have a boyfriend... or fear that she'll embarrass
you in front of others... or fear that you won't
know what to say to her...
And, of course, when you feel that strong fear
emotion, it just FREEZES you and makes you totally
ineffective.
So, what's the solution?
Well, there are several ways to overcome fears.
One way is to do the thing you fear. If you do
the thing that you fear, and see that nothing bad
will happen, then you eventually overcome it and
become programmed not to feel fear anymore.
For instance, if you're afraid to approach
women and talk to them, just DO IT. Go talk to 50
women in the next week and see that most of them
will respond positively to you (if you don't act
like a dumb-ass, that is).
Other ways to overcome your fear when it comes
to approaching women include:
- Understanding the dynamics of male/female
interactions better than most women do.
- Learning how to approach women using the same
types of words and body language that the masters
use.
- Learning how to use props or other devices to
get a woman's attention without having to
"approach" her directly.
- Learning mental techniques to overcome fears or
"reset" your emotions instantly, anytime you'd
like (this is one of my personal favorites).
- Using mental preparation to be completely ready
for anything that might happen.
...and there are several others.
I have spent a lot of time in my own personal
life learning about and figuring out how to get
past fears and other psychological obstacles with
women.
In fact, I devote almost HALF of my Advanced
Series CD/DVD Program to the idea of the "Inner
Game"... and focusing on how to get your mind and
emotions in the right place so that when you use
your techniques they work MUCH BETTER when you do
use them.
I teach several concepts and guided exercises
specifically for overcoming fear, programming
yourself for success, and programming your mind to
succeed with women.
It's taken me many years to find the different
types of exercises and technologies that you can
learn in a few hours of listening and practice.
I recommend that you go check it out... you can
see and listen to some great samples here:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/AdvancedSeries/


And if you haven't downloaded my online eBook
"Double Your Dating", then you need to do that
now. You can download it right now and be reading
it within a few minutes. Get it here:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/eBook/


You can get past your fears, but you need to
learn how...
So make the commitment to yourself, and do it!
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.

Tips To Getting A Girlfriend FAST

Onward...
>>>THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
David, you have helped me a lot so far, and I feel
like I am somewhat of a different person now
compared to before by reading your dating tips
etc. I met a girl not too long ago, she is a
couple hours away from me, and I put to work a lot
of what you had said since talking to her online,
and during my meeting with her, and it all went
very well. We spent two awesome nights together,
and I gave her a ride up to the city on my way
home, and the whole time she was playing with my
hair and holding my hand. I was sad to say bye,
and I tried keeping my composure saying bye to her
and since when we have talked on the net, and I
have tried "leaning back" more...it is hard. I
even have been trying to talk to and meet other
women (I might have another fun day tomorrow lol)
but all the same, I like this one in particular,
and I am unsure of how to bring up and try and
head towards a relationship with her (at least
talking with her about it) without starting to
look like a wuss. I know from experience that
once the wuss factor kicks in I can kiss any
chance goodbye and will just be a LJBF for the
girl. Do I just try playing it cool and hope she
comes to me, and just try going with other girls
in the meantime, or do I approach her...and if I
do what do I say? I know she does have some
feelings for me, I kind of brought it up (minor
wuss episode). I want to on one hand be able to
know how to deal with women before getting
involved seriously with one, but if I met one I
want already, then I would be happy with that. I
think I would enjoy a long term relationship.
What should I do man? Thanks for everything,
you're the best.
JR
>>>MY COMMENTS:
This is a really good question... In fact, I
think that a lot of guys really wonder "Is there
anything I should do DIFFERENTLY if I'd like this
to turn into a relationship?"
I need to mention a couple of things here
before we go into this topic:
1. I don't normally talk about "relationships".
This isn't because I think that there's anything
wrong with them, or I have something against them.
In fact, I think that relationships are great, and
if you're fortunate enough to find an exceptional
woman (and you're the type that wants a
relationship), it can be a very fulfilling part of
life.
I've just decided to focus on the "meeting and
dating" part of the equation. There are 100 books
out there on relationships, but very few on how to
meet women in the first place (and in my
experience, most of the relationship books aren't
that great either).
So, don't take my lack of addressing
relationships as me thinking that you should avoid
them. If you want to have a relationship, go for
it.
2. The reason why I'd like to address this
question is I think many guys wonder if they
should do something DIFFERENT if they'd like to
pursue a relationship with a woman as opposed to
just dating her a few times for short-term fun.
I've also noticed a pattern: When a guy starts
to "like" a girl and feel the "I'd like to be in a
long-term relationship with this girl" feelings,
this can be a powerful emotional influence. Guys
often start acting differently WITHOUT EVEN
REALIZING IT, and then justify their new behavior
with the good reasoning of "I really like this
one."
...Soooo, I'm going to answer YOUR question by
answering the question "Should I do anything
DIFFERENT if I'd like this to turn into a
relationship?"
And hopefully in the process, you'll get a good
idea of what to do in your situation.
I have an idea... let's look at this from a few
different perspectives.
Let's think about some related questions, and
work through them to come up with an answer.
Here are a few that come to mind for me:
"If I act like I'm NOT interested in a
relationship, will that make a woman less
interested in me?"
"Are women automatically 'turned off' by guys who
aren't interested in relationships?"
"Are there clues or hints that women look for to
see whether you're interested in a 'short term' or
'long term' relationship... or a one-night stand?"
"Will a woman who thinks that you're interested in
a 'relationship' act differently towards you if
she doesn't KNOW what your intentions are?"
"Is it 'OK' to be NOT interested in a
relationship, but still want to meet and date a
woman?"
"How do women know when men ARE pursuing them for
a relationship? And how do women typically respond
to this?"
"Is there an attitude towards this whole subject
that not only works best, but is also the most
healthy?"
I'd like you to take a minute and answer these
questions the best you can, based on your own
ideas, experience, knowledge, etc.
These are great questions to ask yourself on a
regular basis, because they make you THINK about
things in a different way.
This ability to THINK ABOUT THINGS FROM
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES will give you a much
clearer outlook when you're dealing with a
situation like this one.
Now I'll give you my general answers...
And a quick thought before I do give you my
answers: If you don't KNOW the answers to these
questions, and you don't already know how to
trigger the type of ATTRACTION inside a woman
that makes her want to be with you NO MATTER
what she wants, then you really need to go
and look at this right now:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/SexualCommunication/


I personally think that women have a basic
program when it comes to men who are potential
romantic interests. It says, "If he chases me,
run. If he doesn't chase me, chase him."
Of course, this is a big generalization, and it
doesn't always hold true... but it's true enough
in most situations.
If you call a woman all the time, she'll
probably not call you. If you take a woman to
dinner 4 times in a week, she probably won't be
inviting you over for dinner at her place.
On the other hand, if you go out with a woman
and she has a GREAT time with you, then you don't
call for a couple of days, or maybe you call once
for 3 minutes to tell her that you're busy and
make plans for a few days later, SHE WILL BE
THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.
I also think that women have other little hints
that they look for to see if you're interested in
getting into a relationship.
Do you talk about having kids? Do you ask about
her family and relationships with them? Do you
answer HER questions about these things in a
serious way, as if you're being interviewed? Are
you acting stilted and nervous, as if something
huge is depending on her liking you? Do you call a
lot and get her gifts? Do you check up to see what
she's doing all the time, even though you don't
know her that well?
All of these things are hints that women use to
tell how "relationship-minded" you are with her.
If you do seem like you're into a relationship,
then a woman has a much bigger decision to make,
and will be taking all kinds of things into
consideration... little gestures will take on new
meaning.
If you're ONLY looking for a "relationship",
then this will come across in all your dealings
with women. You'll be asking different questions,
answering questions differently, and playing to
the long-term. This can create all kinds of
problems when done "too much too soon."
My personal experience is that women will act
much more "real" if you don't put any pressure on
the situation. It's when you're acting like this
is either "marriage or we're breaking up" right
from the beginning that you're ASKING FOR BIG
TROUBLE.
Another key point I've realized is that JUST
BECAUSE I AM OR AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP
DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M GOING TO KEEP FEELING THAT
SAME WAY A WEEK FROM NOW.
I've had times in my life when I've been single
and thinking, "I'm not into a relationship right
now", and then I met a fantastic woman who
changed my mind.
I've also had times when I wanted a
relationship, but had more fun being single, so I
didn't pursue one.
Best idea: Approach the whole topic with the
attitude of "I'm open to whatever great
opportunities present themselves."
When you're with a woman you've just met, don't
put the pressure on. Lean back. Be cool.
(ESPECIALLY if the woman is unusually attractive...
attractive women are used to men falling for them
too quickly, and this turns them off.)
If the topic comes up say, "Well, I'm single
now, and if I meet a woman I really like, then
we'll see what happens." A lot of guys don't
want to come across as being "afraid of
commitment." But don't go overboard to prove that
you're not... because you'll come across as a
Wuss-Bag if you try too hard. A woman won't run
away from you if you're not calling her 10 times a
day. In fact, she'll PROBABLY run if you DO call
her too often.
Another perspective I have is that a LOT of
relationship problems are the result of people who
don't know each other, getting involved too deeply
and too quickly. This is another great thing to
MENTION if a woman pushes you on the topic.
But, back to the particular situation at
hand...
I think you're doing EXACTLY the right thing
(except for the Wuss episode, of course).
You have a woman who lives a couple of hours
away that you've known in person for a couple of
days. You're not going to be able to spend much
time with her ANYWAY.
If I were you, and I REALLY liked her, I would
call her a couple of times a week, and see her
every week or two for a few months. Get to know
her better.
And in the meantime, if you want to see other
women, go for it. Do what feels right to you.
What you're doing now is OBVIOUSLY ATTRACTIVE
to her, so KEEP IT UP. Don't change what you're
doing because you ASSUME that she wants you to act
differently towards her to "signal" that you want
a relationship.
The relationship will evolve on its own, so let
it. You're not in middle school anymore. You don't
have to send her a note that says, "Will you go
with me?"
But, always remember, don't turn into a WUSSY
if you do get into a relationship. If you do,
you'll either find yourself being dumped or wake
up one day with a ring through your nose and a
leash around your neck... and an unhappy woman in
your life to boot.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
...and if you're reading this right now and
thinking to yourself, "OK, I've been reading these
newsletters for a while and it's probably time
that I learned the REAL stuff"...then come to my
website and download a copy of my book, "Double
Your Dating." Inside you'll learn many things that
you'll never read in one of these newsletters.
It's the foundation for everything I teach, and
it's all of my best thinking and techniques. Just
go to:
http://www.DoubleYourDates.com/eBook/


And if you're ready for SUPER success with
women and dating, then the only place to go is my
Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.
I've spent years and years putting together all
of the pieces of the puzzle... and organizing the
concepts, theories and step-by-step techniques for
approaching, meeting, dating, and "getting
physical" with women... all with a minimum of
"rejection" and such.